Happy Birthday Sam 5th November

Dear Sam, I have not written recently or as much as I wanted since your Granny passed away, but you are always in my heart and mind. I want to see you every day but this is not possible unfortunately as this decision has been made by someone and I know it’s not you Son but I am sure you understand. I am always here for you Sam, you are my Son and I love you, I am your father and these are things no one can take away. This Saturday will be an important day for you Sam, it will be your 13th Birthday and this also means you will be a teenager. I have baked you a birthday cake, I know you won’t be allowed to have it but I still made it will love and am sending you a photo of it, I know it does not look great, it’s my skill with is lacking as I am not very good at such things but I made it carefully with my love for you in mind and hope you always remember although I am not allowed to see you I think about you every day and want you here with me. I love you son, Granny loved you too, I was with her at the end and some of the last words I told her was about your love for her always, she would have heard this and took great comfort from it so you should always be proud Sam that she knew you as a loving Grandson and I know you as a loving son. I will write or tell you more about your Granny one day son when you are a little older, she loved you so much. Have a great birthday on Saturday son, you will be in my mind and in my heart as always….Happy Birthday Sam, Daddy loves you always x

31st May 2016

Hi Sam, my son. I am sorry I have not wrote messages to you on this blogs as much as I was determined to do. There has been a lot going on with my life which has not allowed my plans to flow but I want you to know, you are in my heart and mind every second of every day. I want to show to two photos which I have captured...the first being 5th of November 2003, a day which I cried tears of joy and other just today 31st May 2016 ...during which the tears were sadness...... < Sam, the first photo is me holding a hand of a life starting, the second is me holding the hand of a life ending. What defines that life is what happened between these moments. All I can promise for you, what ever happens between in your life, I hope you will always have the knowledge that I love you and support you no matter what. I hope the natural progression will happen an that one day that will be you holding me hand, I can also promise you that if and when that happens, my last memories will be of love for you just as your Granny's (or "Graggie" as you used to call her as a toddler) memories of you will always be love and your smiling little face. Love you Sam... Daddy and Granny always and forever

11th May 2016

Hi Sam, I hope you are well son. Today is a special day for me Sam, its my birthday, its a good day but like every day it would be much much better if you were here to celebrate it with me. I know its not your decision not to be with me here today Sam, you did not have an option, I am well aware of this son but I am confident we will be together soon, soon things will come to a conclusion, I am fighting for you to be in my life again son and anyone who stands in the way will be to accept the legal consequences of their action and one day answer their own conscience for what they have done but this will never be anything for you to worry about son, you will always know my love for you my son will never be dampened, you are the very most important person in life, you will understand things soon son when you get older, perhaps one day you will have children of your own then understand how the cruelest thing would be for someone to stop you seeing them, I truly hope this never happens to you son, in the future things will become clearer but in the meantime I need you to know you are constantly in my heart and I could never give up fighting for you. I visited your Granny today, I tell her as always that you love her, she smiles always when she hears this. I wish you could see the apple trees in the garden Sam, they have beautiful flowers on them at the moment and I think we will have a good apple harvest this year, perhaps when you come home here again soon we can have some homemade apple pie with coconut ice-cream, we had this the beginning of last year Sam when we were together and you loved it, you enjoy my cooking and I look forward to cook for you again, perhaps you can help me in the kitchen again. Your bookshelf is overflowing in your bedroom Son, if i see a book I think you may like then I buy it, we have plenty new stories to read when we are together again. Love you Sam, always. Daddy x

20th April 2016

Hi Sam,

I wanted you to see this little picture I have attached as its so very true. I do think about you every day, I wonder how you are getting on at school, I wish you were here for me to see your face and listen to your stories. This is a very important point I want to make to you Sam and this is one of the reasons I am writing these letters on this blog hopping that you will be able to find them, read and know I have never forgotten about you. I am sure there maybe some persons in your life that will attempt to say that I have but I can assure you I have not my son, I will never ever forget about you as you are the very best thing which has ever happened to me, I am your dad as I have said before and no one can replace me. You will still have the memories of our times together too Sam and you know in your heart that you love me too son, never lose these memories or allow anyone to attempt to manipulate then for their own purposes, always be honest, not only with other people but also with yourself too and speak the truth, one day Sam we will be together again, you will be old enough to understand whats happened, I have paper, videos and much more to show you and you will see how I have never stopped fighting to get you back into my life, being your father is everything to me my son, your bedroom is here as this is your house too and always ready for you to come back. Your books, toys and games are all here, the trampoline is still in the garden and there is some many new super places to visit and things to do I want us to see and do. Love you Sam...always and forever and one day you will be back here with me my son. Daddy

Sunday 3rd April 2016

Hi Sam, Hope you are well. Missing you lots, I am thinking back on lovely memories I had with you. I was so proud when just before your first birthday the first words you spoke were "daddy dearn" :-) any words at all would have made me so proud but hearing you mention my name with your first spoken words melted my heart, I was no overjoyed and its hard to believe this was over 11 years ago as it seems just like last week I remember that moment. Also the time I was there when you took your first tentative steps, letting go of your little hands and watch you stumble towards me with your big happy smile you often wear. I was also there beside you in the swimming pool when I removed your arm bands and you swam unaided for the first time, shortly after which you were having races with me in the pool and more times than not you win, the little celebratory dance you did lifting the imaginary trophy above your head, such fun. I was there to collect you from hospital as a baby, I was there when you had your christening, your first ride on a train, also on the London underground tube, I was there during your first flight in an airplane....and a helicopter, I was there the first time you saw the ocean, I had to hold you back as you were just a little toddler and wanted to run into it without fear. More recently I was there when you drove a car for the first time aged 11 last year whilst I took you for junior driving lessons, you were so good. These memories are the greatest and will always be with you and I Sam. I want so much so make more happy memories with you and the reason I am not there with you today son is not my choosing but I am fighting in court to be there again with you son, I always want you to know this, I will never forget about you and this is why I write these open letters online hoping you will find them when searching my name on the internet, using a PC at home, in a friends house or at school. I love you son and if anyone says different then they lie and you will need to ask yourself what reason they would say such a thing. Here where I am you can always call home, your bedroom is always ready and I am always here and when we meet again Sam I will be the happiest Daddy in the world. Love you always Son, miss you all the time. Daddy x

Thursday 24th March 2016

Hi Sam, I hope you are well. Recently I downloaded some of your photos from my computer and got them made into the “old fashioned” style on paper, the type I can hold. I have gave some to granny who loves seeing your photo and talking about you. I have kept some myself so I can look at you every day, although I don’t need photos to remember you by as you are in my head and in my heart constantly son as I miss you tons and think about you every minute of every day. As always I have passed on your love to granny and have told her that you miss her. I know you would want me to say this and you would be saying it yourself if you had the chance. Looking at the photos I downloaded from last year I see the ones when we played crazy gold together in Dunfermline. Do you remember that day Sam? The weather was lovely and your won our games as your beaten me fair and square, you are the champion and that evening we went to Nandos for your celebratory meal, well done to you that day, and you beat me many times playing indoor bowls too, you are truly talented Sam, these are very happy memories and I hope we will have the chance again soon to play these games again, perhaps give me a chance to win some this time but I suspect you will just be much too good at them again to allow me to win.

I hope you are reading plenty book. Every new David Walliams books that come out I buy and put in your bookshelf in your bedroom for when you return, perhaps as you are getting older you are starting to enjoy other books, I hope we can read together again soon as we use to do before. Please always remember that I’m missing you son, I will never stop fighting to get you back into my life. You are my son and I am your father, I love you more than words can describe and you are in my heart and mind always. daddy x

8th March 2016

Hi Sam, I hope you are well son, I am thinking about you constant and miss you lots. Granny is feeling better but still in her bed as very tired all the time, I tell her always that you are sending your love and this makes her very happy. She understands that you can't visit her through no choice of your own and asks me to tell you that she is missing you too and sends her love. When I gave her a mothers day card on sunday I signed it from you too as you are her loving Grandchild this made her very happy.

I also gave her flowers from you which she has on her side cabinet with your photo as a baby which she likes to look at every day.

I keep your bedroom as you have left it Sam with all your books and toys ready for your return, I have painted the walls and hope you like the colours but if not one day we can go to the shops and let you choose a colour you prefer.

your bookcase has all your books and games in it ready for you.

This is your house too Sam, always remember its here for you and it always will be, I am your daddy and you are my son, nothing will every change, I love you very much and miss you every day, I will never give up fighting to see you and I always encourage you to be brave, tell the truth and never be afraid to approach your teachers if you ever have any worries or if you would like to contact me.

You are a wonderful son Sam and I love you and am always proud of you.

Love you always Sam Daddy x